Drinking

Ode to the Cocktail. Bar items have always held a fascination because of their diversity of function and tasteless originality. Here are but a few of our belly up to the bar classics.

The Bar Is Open: This grotesque nattily attired bow tied bar tender light up statue proclaims it’s cocktail time when his red nose (a Christmas tree bulb) lights up. Just plug him in and it’s down the hatch.

Cupid Drink Dispenser. Although currently broken, use your imagination on this one. Just where and how do you think the enterprising bartender got the chosen alcohol from Cupid? We were alerted to this item by a thrift store owner upon her hearing that the museum planned a “bar exhibit” otherwise we might never have noticed it as it was on a high shelf. Whew! Our policy is not to fix any thing in our museum so it’s likely cupid will remain “as is”–dry and dysfunctional forever.
Pelican Toothpick Holder. Let’s face it from time to time we all could use a tooth pick and this cleverly crafted item is sure to deliver a clean, unused toothpick with only a flick of your wrist. We felt colorful toothpicks completed the statement our pelican was making. Go ahead take one and pierce an olive or onion or better yet get on with the business of dental hygiene.

Pink elephant shot glass and matching cocktail trays. Dancing elephants seeing stars adorn the shot glass. The trays are festooned with elephants frolicking around bubbling champagne glasses. We lucked into these mastiff masterpieces which had arrived only minutes before we did.

Crooked martini glass. Martinis are back and what better way to enjoy them than with this skewed glass. No you’re not seeing double, at least not yet. That’s a four eyed, three nosed, three mouthed smiling red face on the glass. Showing characteristic generosity, a family member tried this glass out, repeated trials of course, and reported that it was inspirational. We weren’t surprised, we’d already guessed it was intoxicating.

“Have some Madeira my dear” This hand craved wine holder shaped like a wooden shoe from Holland actually hails from the Philippines. A conversation piece at the very least. What wine wouldn’t be enhanced by such a beautiful shoe? Imagine pouring yourself a glass. We may have a contest about what the perfect wine for this holder would be. Currently Thunderbird, white, An American Classic, is featured. Do you have a better suggestion? Besides Ripple and Boone’s Farm what other premium wines come to mind?

Needle point cocktail tray. Yikes. Please study this. It’s unbelievable and educational at the same time not to mention meticulously done. If only we had half the patience. You can learn a lot about how to make many different drinks. What mixes to add, how to prepare (stir or shake) whether to use ice and how soon to call the paramedics. We love this tray and extend a special thanks to Mrs. Hubbard wherever she is for so lovingly and artistically creating this masterpiece.

Glass with Arrow. How the heck did whoever made this make it? Seriously, it’s a mystery to me which no doubt is but one of the many reasons I so adore this shot or small glass with an arrow piercing it. One never knows and must always be ready for a surprise and in my book this counts. But it’s great to use in different situations. Use your imagination.

Tension Meter.Perfect at your home bar, this special meter lets you gage your level of tension and thus decide how quickly and how much more you need to drink. So don’t fear, just push the blue hatted, orange suited man and wait to see what you tension level is, as you might have surmised the higher the ball goes up the thermometer, the more anxious you are.

Man Holding Street Lamp. A cautionary piece of art depicting a once sober well dressed man hugging a lamp for support and who knows what else after imbibing much too much. If he makes it home, which seems unlikely given his lack of sobriety, I doubt he’ll be received with open arms.

Beam’s Choice Decanter. Trust me when purchased this decanter was dry and empty, but still it was a piece of art worthy of any bar, in fact the decanter is a piece of art with a piece of art painting on it. It appears to be a replica of a famous Dutch or Belgian painting of a young man in a red hat just sitting and no doubt meditating as he waits for the painter to finish. Who knows perhaps he headed off to the local bar to meet friends and have a cold beer.

Thirst Extinguisher. A truly awesome idea made into a truly awesome product. Copied after the fire extinguisher we believe when new and pristine it had a hose attached so that one could quench one’s thirst in a split second. It is again something to spend time exploring while noticing every detail. My kids loved it a lot for unknown reasons, maybe just because of its undeniable uniqueness. Their non-stop interest in it resulted in it being unable to play, a non-singing of course, a melodic version of “How Dry I Am.” Who could have asked for anything more? Not I, not I.

Hand Drink Holder. This battery operated white plastic hand on black platform is a sight to be seen. Made of plastic it is able to maneuver cleverly to deliver drinks to waiting bar customers. Now how about that? Of course my kids loved it due to its mobile nature and that it could deliver them a glass milk or juice.

Mr. Boston Deluxe Official Bartender’s Guide. The suave and debonair Mr. B, did he know his way around a mixed drink or what? And given that Old Mr. Boston comes in 148 delicious flavors, he was one smart dude as well. Over 216 pages of mouth watering ways to become inebriated. We lost our eyesight and ability to speak on page 47 just when we were ready to sample the Depth Bomb. Not to worry, should we regain any of our basic functions we will resume our research. In the meantime, we’ll rely on those easy to follow drink mixing glasses with large printing and less esoteric concoctions.

Drink-clocks. Coming to the rescue and eliminating the embarrassment of forgetting what each distinguished and urbane guest is drinking we present the Drink Clock. Red metal with silver clock hands just put the big hand on the alcoholic beverage and the little hand on the mix and hook on to your guest’s glass. Even has a place to jot down your invitee’s name. With this handy helper bar tenders need not be concerned with details and guests can even change their drink of choice. Isn’t democracy wonderful?

A pirate and a pig. Open me. Let’s face it. If you can’t open it, you can’t drink it. No problem. Our smiling pirate plays a bottle-opening guitar and our most wonderful pig sprouts a bottle opener for horns and a corkscrew for a tail. Bring on the tall necked beers and the corked Ripple now.

The golf ball double jigger. Precise measurement is a must. But need it be technical and scientific? Not at all. Always a fan of incorporating sports paraphernalia with precision measuring equipment, this jigger was especially appealing. Can’t you just hear the bartender shouting “Fore” and “Play through” as he mixes that to die for Bloody Mary?

Thor The Norseman: Don’t be scared. Tough on the outside but tender on the inside Thor only wants to make sure you have all the weapons necessary to strain, open and dice. The tape on the top of his multipurpose saber was there when we received this item and quite frankly we’re frightened of removing it.

Hamish the Scotsman: Hanging on for dear life to the lamp post, Hamish holds spoons and an object to be named later but is missing other important drink accessories, no doubt misplacing them as he stumbled out of the bar. He’s still trying to be helpful and frankly that’s all we care about.

The Riddler: Having just imbibed himself the Riddler is straddling this decanter and inviting you to partake. Not the most convincing of propositions. Any clues about the green hooks – what are they and do they have function for starters would be appreciated.

Mr. Bali Hai made exclusively for the Bali Hai restaurant in San Diego. Oh Kon Tiki me. We don’t know about you but we get a headache even thinking about the rum drinks Mr. Bali Hai has played host to. And of course his lid has two straw holes for that romantic interlude which inevitably ends in a vomit contest. Oh for the days of old.

Happy Joe. A barroom staple of yesteryear. Put Joe’s nose in water and he keeps going back for more and no one knows why. (If you do don’t tell us please.) Actually maybe Joe does because he refuses to drink and trust me we’ve tried to ply him with the most exotic of mixture including special recipes from Mr. Boston. Imagine our disappointment when we had to drink them ourselves.

When the dogs come out in whatever form, we have to admit we beg for them and sometimes pant as well. And should it come as any surprise that man’s best friend would show up at the bar? We think not.

Dog decanters. The bloodhound is unfortunately empty, decked out with an ice pack to quell the raging headache of a night of indiscretion beverage wise no doubt. On the other hand the poodle as always is perky and smiling, hither to and beguiling, even down to her poodle laden shot glass. Can you pass up her offer to enjoy a little something? We’re tempted. What about you?

Dogs playing poker tray. A Kanine Kaper from Michigan. We quote “The Casino” a story on the back of this tray which answers all questions about what is going on. At least it answered all our questions and some we hadn’t even thought of. So, here goes:

The winner? Of course it is Freddy, the Bull, and this time he has broken the Bank. His companion for the evening, Elsie Greyhound, has started celebrating, while Foxy, the sly garcon, with only one red chip, will have to go back to his job as waiter at ‘AU CHIEN JOYEAUX.’ Shifty Herman, the Daschie, with his sure fire system is waiting for his chance, but there is no come back for empty purse Fluffy, the Pekinese. As to Dobby, the gay Croupier, he always collects his share for the house. It is Monte Carlo at its best. Ó 1954 Kentley Corporation, Grand Rapids Michigan.

We think this was one of a series and we hope to find other installments. Let’s all be on the look out for Kanines and their Kapers.

All bite and no bark. Sr. & Jr.? Look closely at Freddy the Bull on Kanine Kapers tray and then feast your eyes on this bulldog bank. Have we found Freddy captured in ceramic? Not only do they look alike, their collars are identical. And instead of breaking the bank, this bulldog is a bank. Okay, so maybe it’s just coincident maybe they aren’t the same dog, but still they could be identical twins separated at birth or even just brothers both of whom have gone into modeling to make a little extra money and perhaps pay off any gambling debts. Found separately from his father, our handsome young bull dog was crafted by Roselane, USA. We delighted in bringing them back together as we so enjoy reuniting families. No doubt he is following in his father’s footsteps and training to be a bank or a poker player like his uncle.

Dog Collar Tea Towel: Picked up at the dog collar museum at Leeds Castle in England, this gorgeous rust Irish made linen towel features dog collars across time. Some are fairly frightening looking with lots of sharp spikes and stuff and all of them look so uncomfortable, big and rigid. If you look closely at collar on our bull dog bank you’ll notice a remarkable similarity to the silver studded collar pictured right above the word “Dog.” Hmm? If we had to pick out our favorite collar we’d choose “CL.GF.V GIECH” which is either Latin or Gaelic for the fifth champion of Giech who we think is the dog pictured front and center on the towel. Quite handsome don’t you think? Unfortunately this was the only souvenir in stock at the dog collar museum store. As you might imagine, we would have gotten lots more had they been available.

Ashtrays were an integral part of the bar scene when out and about until smoking was deemed inappropriate and I believe illegal. So now people find places outside to take a puff or 20. In many homes smoking is banned as well certainly in mine it is, and the bar thus became an official non-smoking activity center for any number of other activities. But enough about all that please enjoy the following ashtrays, each a unique art rendering.

Go Ahead Smoke Sign/ White Ashtray with Black Writing. A serious wow no matter what your thoughts are or behaviors concerning smoking may be. To interject here when I turned 17 I enjoyed smoking tobacco cigarettes but this enjoyment came to an end with my dad’s early death at 61 from lung cancer caused by you know what, hint if you don’t cigarettes, and so at 29 or 30 I finally quit cold turkey — exasperating but that isn’t the point of this exhibit. The point is how charming the sign that says “Go Ahead and Smoke” is especially since its paired with a vintage white ashtray artfully raised by four black iron legs which sprout a black metal cigarette holder in the middle. One of the rare artful ashtrays from the museum.

Who Left This Behind? An ashtray with something to say—directly behind the cigarette ash holder it features two pairs of pants hanging back side out. I believe they are two major league baseball pants. As if anyone in baseball needed an inducement to smoke?

Cowboy Hat Ashtray. Let’s face it, we’ll never know how many cowboys smoked cigarettes but we do know that for the most part in the days of yester year movies they almost all smoked, that is the actors playing the cowboys really did smoke or gave a good impression that they were smoking when in fact they were not. I imagine this ashtray could have appeared in countless cowboy movies or at least was a replica of one that did. Lovely in form and color – no doubt a collector item – well of course it is because if nothing else I’m a collector.

What A Party. Leaving almost nothing to the imagination this ashtray depicts a soused women enjoying her last few breaths before passing out or so it seems to us. But no matter, beyond a doubt she had a great time whether she’ll remember it or not. Who knows but perhaps not remembering is the better option.