Eating

Kitchen Basics.

the hearth…the wonderful smells…the warm friendly atmosphere…a family gathering place…of course, we’re referring to the kitchen…a room at once evoking cherished childhood memories and current fascinations. Whether it’s a favorite cookbook, a secret recipe handed down from generation to generation, a precious knick knack or a just too cute, but functional serving dish, the kitchen has and always will be the most special of hubs. Let’s wander through our museum’s kitchen:

Since the days of Sanskrit and possibly before, cooks have been scribbling lists of ingredients, mixing directions and preparation secrets in hopes of preserving the art of fine food. As our burgeoning collection of vintage cookbooks attests, their labor of love has not been lost and their inspiration is still inspiring today. Our currently featured cook book takes a surprising look at an entertainment icons hidden culinary talent.

“Someone’s in the Kitchen with Dinah.” Setting the tone for our homage to great cooks and kitchens throughout the ages, is this vintage cookbook with recipes that hail from a time (1971) when calories and fat content were barely a whisper. Dinah Shore looks fabulous on the cover. And according to the book jacket Dinah is a “fine cook, an exuberant hostess, a dedicated recipe collector and food tout” (whatever that is). We’re impressed but have yet to try any of the recipes, however, when time permits we’re dying to sample Quick Puree Mongol Soup, Sausage Cornmeal Pie, Sour Cream Cheese Fruit Salad Mold, and Prune Whip with Port Wine.

The original Veg-O-Matic! From the first television infomercial we can remember, comes the world famous Veg-O-Matic. As we all know, any of the above recipes plus any that follow became instantly easy, easy, easy with this kitchen essential as you sliced, diced and wedged your favorite fruits and vegetables and anything else that needed dismemberment. We got this for only $8.00. An original, it’s made of sturdy plastic and came complete with a slicer attachment that can be rotated to thin slice, dice or thick slice and a Wedge cutter for wedging lemons, apples, pickles and the like. We were thrilled to find this defining moment of American manufacturing ingenuity incorporating Barnum’s dictum that there’s a sucker born every minute. In such good shape one museum founder’s husband wanted to try it out. Aside from the years of accumulated crud that no industrial strength cleanser could ever dislodge, what if we used it and in addition to the inevitable splat of flying tomatoes chunks, we broke it as happened with every Veg-O-Matic our family ever owned? Given this distinct possibility, in spite of his unrelenting request for a try-out, this classic from Feature Products, Inc. Chicago 7, Ill. was classified off limits, designated for visual and tactile appreciation only.

Don’t Kiss Me – I’m Busy. A fashion must. This exquisitely appointed apron turns even the most uninspired, overworked homemaker into a domestic goddess whether cooking, cleaning or washing. It hails from of all places Knott’s Berry Farm. Imagine yourself adorned in this vibrant apron wearing four inch heels as you pop that cheese soufflé out of the oven. Who says the likes of June Cleaver and Harriet Nelson no longer roam the kitchen? Bring on the brownies.

The Four Little Pigs. Not content with a mere three little pigs, each of these adorable wooden pigs holds an essential cooking spice — salt, pepper, all spice and paprika. We know this because they are so labeled. Patterned after the ubiquitous salt shaker, our pigs deliver the spice of your choice by simply shaking the appropriately designated pig with its snout pointing down. Presto, out of its nose comes the spice you selected. Lovely enough to use at the dinner table itself. But wait your turn and use only one pig at a time. We have dibs on the paprika pig.

Yellow mouse with big eyes. A functional kitchen sculpture. Whether you’re preparing a feast or cleaning up after one, the question is the same. “What do you do with that big old diamond ring on your finger?” Problem solved. This cute little mouse will hold your treasured rings in plain sight on his upturned arms as you chop, sauté, rinse or scrub. No excuse now, go ahead and tackle that grease.

Gum Parker. Thanks to her astute attention to even the smallest item, a museum founder spotted this brown and white cat gum holder. Previously unaware that such an item even existed, we were thrilled and knew immediately that it belonged in our museum. We only wish that we had found more so that each dinner guest would have a place to park his gum when the meal is served. Too small to share, we wonder who will be the lucky gum saver? First come, first serve, no doubt.

Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook. Talk about a complete with nothing else left to be written about at least for the next week cook book, this is completely it. It even incudes photographs along with black and white photos. We believe it was the “must have” of its time although we have to admit we’ve never opened it but perhaps you have and if you did we hope you enjoyed whatever dish you created.

Jack Bailey’s “What’s Cookin’?” Who would ever have guessed that Jack Bailey, man about town and an extremely popular TV talk host, also had cooking skills? Well one only needs to check out his surprise cookbook and then any questions are put to rest for now and forever. It is a masterpiece of its own kind. I’m not sure that fatty foods have ever received such accolades. When time permits I’ll share some of them with you, but in the meantime steer clear of cream, milk, cheese, and shortening because once you read Jack’s cookbook that’s all you’ll be eating. Thoughtful aren’t we although cruel at the same time.

Cream & Sugar Boy and Man. Who would have thought that the masculine presence would be present in the realm of cream and sugar? Certainly we wouldn’t have ever ventured even a guess in this direction, but seeing the result well what to say it’s magnificent. So go forth you guys and enjoy!

Cow Butter Dish and CreamHolder. Cows who ever knows what they have done or will do? We certainly would never make such a claim, believe us cows know what you’re doing and well frankly we don’t. So just keep on keeping on and providing those in need with awesome stuff that fills these needs. Thank you.

Flower Rolling Pin. If one decides to cook but first mix stuff up to cook with, well while we appreciate the effort we couldn’t ever imagine such a thing because although we’re not imaginative we just can’t apply this ability to making food so you who can and do our hats are off to you. Roll away with this classic rolling pin and make unbelievable treats for those you love.

Yummy Snacks.

The art of entertaining, inborn or acquired? Through the ages, the time and attention devoted to giving the perfect party is staggering. Our museum founders hope that their painstaking selection of the following hostess items, will inspire you to climb out of that boring party rut you’ve fallen into and help you to throw a really cool wingding of a party. When entertaining, presentation should never be overlooked or made light of. What else could explain the phenomenal success of Martha Stewart?

Inspired by her seminal work, we have assembled four exhibits: serving snacky snacks, ode to the cocktail, greasy, burnt bar-b-que and afternoon tea.

Serving Snacky Snacks. Seeking snacking inspiration, we studied Volume 1, “Tasty Snacks.” of “The Encyclopedia of Cooking” and even recreated the snack on the cover. We loved the purple cabbage harpooned with colored tooth picks each bearing a delectable such as an olive, a cocktail onion , a pineapple chunk or a square of cheese. Served at a party oddly enough although stared at, this snack was not touched, let alone eaten.

As was true of the past even today whatever your snacking pleasure be it from a salt, fat, and or sugar food group, it will taste oh so much better if presented properly. Whether its cheese curls, onion dip, olive loaf, caramel corn, candied apples, marshmallow fluff, peanut brittle, fried ice cream, and/or chocolate covered cherries you crave, please serve it correctly.

Our current picks from our snacking exhibit are favorites because they take the guesswork out of what goes where. Each container is specifically marked, indicating what its filling should be. We like that. We’re busy and don’t have the time to agonize over whether a relic is meant for a snack or something else.

Wiener Dog Snack Holder. Made of real wood with leather, or is that vinyl, ears and a screw on tail, we might have committed a huge faux pas and filled our dog with dogs. Not to worry, we were saved from disgrace. Written in hand-crafted calligraphy on his side you’ll find the words “snack hound.” Is there any question about what this dog was meant to do? No. We like that. At a recent party we loaded our pup with cheese curls. Few guests could resist reaching in and grabbing a handful. Don’t worry he doesn’t bark or bite.

Gold cracker holder. Although this oblong dish could hold any number of snacks quite nicely, each end is inscribed with “crackers” leading us to the obvious conclusion that this is one specific snack holder. We’re confused by the strawberry motif on the bottom, because we didn’t know that strawberries and crackers went together. When purchasing this, the thrift store owner alerted us that it was a Treasure Craft as noted on the bottom. Afraid this meant it was valuable or a real collectible, we almost passed it up. However, at four dollars it seemed to fit our museum.
Four Orange Snack Containers. We were impressed that these bowls stacked up so nicely and that each bore the name of a favoritesnack, potato chips, nuts, pretzels, plus one tub labeled “snacks” for any other snack such as Bugles or Chex party mix. Undoubtedly from the sixties and perfectly preserved. Saved again.
Giant Peanut. This ceramic rendition is one of our graphic representations of snack function. Although almost too pretty and perhaps too fragile to allow any but the most special guests to enjoy, for those truly awesome occasions we bring out the good
breakable stuff: Who could resist the temptation of this nut full of salted peanuts or better yet cashews? Guests go for this snack in a big way so we refill often.
Olive Tray. Do those olives look real or what? Especially after a few Martinis. Wouldn’t any hors d’ouevres look simply spectacular on this platter? Use your imagination but please serve something very classy and preferably expensive. After purchasing this we looked at the back and discovered it was from “Bon Appetit.” Following considerable discussion we decided to include it in the museum anyway.

Tasty B-B-Q.

Bar-b-que. What has happened to real food? You know, the food of our forefathers? Substantial, hearty, and satisfying, not lite, lowfat and naturally vitamin enriched. The mission of this exhibit is to give a much needed tribute to the genuine article, American food at its finest. Let’s begin with the backyard bar b que. We simply love family and friends pitching in together and creating piles of overly fatty, messy, burned foods. But who cares, with enough ketchup everything tastes great. So douse your charcoal briquettes with lighter fluid and let’s get smokin’.

Come ‘n get it. When has one tray been enough to house the cooked delights for a dinner, or even a lunch? So given this reality here’s another awesome tray that has the perfect graphics which display everything about cooking out and enough space to pile on all that delicious burnt stuff. So who can say that when one is outdoors it couldn’t get better?

Burger presses. Bunsize and regular, in hard wood, built to last a life time, attractively decorated, an essential for any dedicated outdoor cook. Our childhood was never without a burger press. We’d stuff as much ground beef as possible into the press, push down on the lid and watch the excess meat ooze out. And occasionally we’d even make a few burgers using the family press.

Red bull bar-b-que assistants. Long before the Chicago Bulls and Michael Jordan dominated the basketball courts, our bulls ruled over the ritual of the family bar-b-que. How better to alert guests that those succulent burgers and dogs are done than to ring the red bull bell? Come ‘n get it before it gets cold. But wait, be sure to store your favorite charcoal grilled goodies in the bull adorned recipe box. And what busy outdoor chef wouldn’t applaud our “how do you want it done bulls?” Each guest can choose among rare, medium rare, medium and well done. All our cook needs to do is pierce each piece of meat with the desired doneness.

Hot dog bun condiment server. Found at a local thrift store, no sooner had this treasure been purchased than it was dropped by the purchaser and shattered on one end. Through the magic of tacky glue and ridiculous persistence, plus responding to a challenge from the purchaser’s sister, the bun was resurrected although not perfectly as you can see from the hole on one end. What do you think adorned the three compartments? We guess ketch-up, onions and relish.

Bar B Q Food Server. Who would ever confuse what this dog and his three piece partitioned food holder is? So take it on and use it section wisely – we’d suggest baked beans, potato salad and cole slaw. But of course it’s your decision to make.

Marshmallow Toaster. Who knew? Certainly we never even considered such a wonder. All we knew was using tree sticks to hold our marshmallows while we put them over the fire. But we have discovered there is another way. A way to create perfect barbequed marshmallows and then put them with their two true loves – chocolate candy and graham crackers. Hooray. Let’s eat!!!!

Raid Mosquito Coil. Of course you must make sure that your cook out and your life isn’t ruined by the invasion of the dreaded all consuming mosquito an insect that knows only where you are and how to bite you. This is a super problem and has been forever. So put your Mosquito coil out there and kill each every one ASAP.

Holiday Celebrations.

Thanksgiving: Currently being officially acknowledged as dysfunctional family holiday of the year, we don’t care and haven’t noticed as we’re much too busy eating to worry about whether relatives are relating. Of course real food is the key ingredient for those holiday family get togethers. We’ve just begun thinking about how to spark up festive dining. Here are our suggestions for Thanksgiving so far:

Tulip bell: What a lovely way to announce a big, sumptuous feast. Simply grasp the stem, pick it up and shake. Your pinkish beige, green stemmed, leafed tulip calls guests to the table with a melodic whisper. So go ahead and when dinner is ready, shake it up baby.

Turkey platter. There can be no mistake here, this is one gigantic turkey; one with lots of gobble, gobble. Definitely hand painted, possibly from Italy, the writing on the back is a bit hard to read, Thanksgiving will never be the same. Found for eight dollars “as is” (it has a small crack), this was truly a bargain as a museum piece. Using it as a serving platter is another matter as no indication of the lead content used in the paint is mentioned. Thank heavens it’s so heavenly to just look at, who cares if it’s unsafe to use.

Turkey topped gravy bowl and matching salt and pepper shakers. Top off that turkey with some steaming gravy and lots of salt and pepper. Too cute for only one day a year. Bring it out for all your special high calorie festivities.

Twice baked potatoes. In addition to turkey and stuffing which can be so uninspired and pedestrian, may we suggest you consider twice baked potatoes as part of your bill de faire. They add a nice touch that harks back in time, plus they’re a guaranteed way to increase the calorie content of an already totally overloaded meal. Simply bake the potato, scoop out the potato and throw away the skin and all its nutrients, then mix in as much milk, butter and cheese as you can, fill the darling ceramic potato holders you see before you and bake again.

Warming tray. What self respecting hostess would forget rolls at Thanksgiving? You know those doughy nondescript soft rolls which must be kept warm. Our bun warmer to the rescue. Simply plug it in, open the green cloth cover and voila the perfect spot to keep your 3-4 dozen of your favorite rolls warm and toasty.

Vibrant cake storage container. If we knew you were coming…Tired of only pie for dessert? Why not consider a homemade cake as well? And what better place to store it freshly than in this autumn orange sturdy plastic cake carrier. No peeking until dessert time. Why not surprise your guests with one of those oh so delicious fruit cakes that are not usually available until the winter holidays?

Moose mug: The moose is loose. A strong, rich steaming cup of coffee would top off that turkey and taste delectable. What better way to enjoy it than from a mug adorned with what may become an American endangered species, the moose? Perhaps a prop from Northern Exposure or just weird, whatever, bring on the caffeine. Surely not meant for Cappuccino or anything whipped, blended or frothed, get me some strong, eye opening Java.

Keep America Beautiful Scale. Please remove this from the bathroom and tuck it away in a closet until the beginning of January. There’s no reason to spoil six weeks of bingeing by reminding yourself and your guests of the inevitable. Out of sight and out of mind.

Santa preview. No sooner have we finally digested our Thanksgiving feast and found a pair of jeans that still fits than it’s time for the winter holiday frenzy to begin in earnest. To help us get in the mood to speak, this hand crocheted, darling, Santa with moving eyes, says just do it. By which we’re sure he means, just sit down, enjoy a libation of your choice and start thinking about making a list of all the things you’ll never get around to doing. Then tear up the list and watch something on HBO like a repeat of the Larry Sanders Show or the Sopranos. As you know if all goes well and enough of you beg enough, there may be a holiday installment of the museum. So stay tuned and find out what essential function our cute Santa serves.