Finally the angst and despair of being a teenager end! But no sooner has this seminal event occurred  and no sooner than one can draw a breath and becomes a lady the angst and despair become the problems of the newly become lady. Alas. Alack. But what can a female do? Nothing but grin it and bear it.

Being a woman is, to say the least, a complicated existence filled with many, often conflicting areas in which expertise and grace are expected, hmm, perhaps taken for granted is a better way of describing the requirements. This exhibit looks at but a few of the areas in which a woman is assumed to be a consummate expert.

Beautify

The Dressing Table.  Since the beginning of time, women and their dressing tables have shared a sacred bond. Our museum does not presume to completely understand this very complicated relationship as the founders have never had a dressing table of their own, but nonetheless we believe we can shed some light on this most enduring tradition.

The table. This brass look table and bench were found for $15 locally. The mirror was broken and the top glass shelf was missing. Following our policy of never repairing anything, we cleverly covered the broken part of the mirror with the brown fringed scarf and put a silver plated tray from the Salvation Army in place of the missing top glass shelf. The matching bench remains wobbly with a crooked leg. We put a rose colored pillowcase with flowers and unicorn by Leonard Fisher for Panache II on the bench cushion to lend it an unmistakable air of whimsy. At that point it was time to adorn the table. We wanted the table to be adorable, romantic and functional. As always, you’ll have to be the judge on how well we succeeded, so here goes.

Ice cream cone lamp.  I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. Perfectly manicured, dainty feminine hand with rose blush nail polish, holds the ice cream cone lamp delicately but firmly, as she softly illuminates the dressing table. The flavor, that’s up to you. A clear bulbs delivers a luscious, rich vanilla; a red bulb, a tangy but sweet strawberry; a green bulb, a cool, refreshing lime sherbet. We’re still working on chocolate, although it may be as simple as a brown bulb, if such a thing exists.

“Four things a woman should know” plaque. An incredible find at only 10 cents, proving that sometimes good advice is reasonable even in this day and age. The author isn’t cited but we’re pretty sure it was Gloria Steinem in her early feminist days. Such sage suggestions, we repeat them here:

Four things a Woman should know:

How to look like a girl, How to act like a lady, How to think like a man, and How to work like a dog.

Gold statuette: “Mom of the Year: #1 Producer of Love, Understanding and Chocolate Chip Cookies” was self awarded at a local thrift store for 50 cents. Considerably less than most spend to get an Oscar.

China High Heeled Shoe. Just a reminder of how beautiful tall heeled footwear can be – maybe you can still adorn yourself in such but then again perhaps you can’t. I certainly can’t but that doesn’t stop me from admiring this reminder of time gone by.

Pink and White Candle with swirls and twirls just for females.  Be forewarned that this is a necessary warning “Do not light or burn this candle” because that’s not what it’s about. It was made to be gazed upon, simply gazed upon. So keep it flame free and stare at it whenever inspiration is needed.

Beauty hardly comes naturally or easily so getting ready and becoming beautiful requires attention to details. To enhance your chances of achieving such an outcome please review the following:

Hair Dryer Holder. What a lovely ceramic cup decorated to make sure you that this is the place to store your hairdryer – wonderful to have it easily available whenever you need it.

Pink Sewing Thumb.  When darning or mending or sewing your fashion musts this we trust is a must.  So use it whenever it’s called for.

Holder for Nylon Hose.  Putting on and then tackling the problem of holding up your hose is now easy, that’s right easy. Just use these  hose holders to attach your stockings to whatever under garment you’re wearing.

Steam It and Hang It.  Clothes must be clean and wrinkle free so these are absolute musts. Just wash and steam your clothes and then hang them up to ensure that they are enchanted by the fresh air.   No wrinkles, just perfection. Ah la, la.

Lunching:

Lunch is never a complete endeavor without you considering the decorations that tell your guests in no uncertain terms what a truly wonderful, thoughtful and fascinating person you are and thus here are some decorating ideas to make sure that what you pick will show these qualities.

Oodles of poodles – you can’t ever go wrong by displaying a variety of ceramic poodles after all such was/is a lady’s favorite pet no matter its size – although miniature often rules – you can put these works of art anywhere for whatever reason – perfect.  So here are some ideas –Again place poodles so that your guests know how creative and organized you are.

Poodle Note Holder and Poodle Book Ends. An amazing set  that will simultaneously convey you’re artistic proclivities plus your practicality  —  absolutely perfect.

Poodle Love. A truly one of a kind tray that shows two poodles enjoying a cocktail under an umbrella in a beautiful city, perhaps Paris? Wow, I’m enviable! And always will be. What about you?  Poodle art how much cuter and romantic can it get? Not much at all. So be certain to use your poodle trays for serving or as hanging art.

Three Poodle Trays, each with a scene from a story book poodle romance again possibly taking place in Paris.  Wow! Let me take the place of the female poodle, so what if my suitor were a male poodle?  I could forget about this with all the champagne and delicious food. The romance would unlikely work but who knows and what a wonderful story to tell.

Whoever said that skunks were punks? Well maybe real ones are as they can cause a smelly stink.  They certainly accomplished that at my home in Palos Verdes where their frequent visits were accompanied by their so smelly releases. The skunks sprayed their very distinguishable horrifying odor all over the outdoor deck and left me to clean up after them.  Not my best effort. The only way to really get rid of the odor is that after whatever you use, just wait and hope they don’t return which sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t.  But I’ve gone off track here, how unusual for me. Hmm.  The two items included here are adorable skunks, as they are ceramic, not real and should be appreciated for their beauty and nothing else.   So please study both of them.

Mom and Two Kids; Isn’t it always wonderful to see a family out for a stroll together and this one will stay together–  no children running hither and thither due to mom’s leashes — oh the joys of preparation – but caution to on lookers — don’t get to close or you will be stink-a-fied by not one but three skunks — so keep your distance and smile and if needed run.

Open Mouthed Skunk, perhaps a ring holder

Pink Ashtray.  Perfect anywhere and at any time. Even if no one smokes this artistic rendering would make an unbelievable addition to  any table top collection. Truly awesome! 

Blue Crocheted Card Pack. Who could have ever guessed that a deck of card holder could be so beautifully and personally rendered?  And by hand we think. Oh the advantages of having talented relatives or friends. Nothing like it.

Chocolate Yarn Picture. Who says that hand crafted art isn’t simply lovely and something anyone would die for? Well anyone who does certainly hasn’t seen this rendition of true taste, get it of course you did taste and chocolate – let’s proceed to the next item.

Green Thermometer and Compass.  A gift from a great friend that even works or at least she says so and I always believe her and this is from her parents’ house. Thanks again dear friend and should I wonder what the temperature is or the place in the universe or at least on earth I am, then I’ll get this out immediately. In the meantime it will be stored in the Mona Museum.

Sample Coasters.  It’s hardly simple or easy to put together a  meal let alone a lady lunch so these coaster are fabulous. These help prevent glass marks on tables as well as meaningful messages who are using them to soak up the drippings from their drinks. 

Emily Post Good Manners Book.  Wow! What a lady Emily was and what a terrific mentor concerning manners she turned out to be at least according to  this must have, can’t really do anything correctly without it book. How did I get luck even to find it and at a bargain price perhaps one dollar or fifty cents! When luck hits never ask why just go with it!

So if you’re a lady enjoy those few daily/weekly/monthly hours you have to beautify yourself and entertain your friends as hopefully this will help you deal with the rest of your life. Good Luck. As a lady of sorts myself I know the territory and how much luck is needed.

End of discussion of the stages of developing  — not that it’s really over until each of us dies but that isn’t the point of this section of MONA so let’s just forget about it and travel on. Whew, having put the idea of being gone behind, I feel much better and am sure you do as well!

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